The Big Eater in Reading

"I bought a family size steak and kidney pie for dinner. It's the size of a plate! Look!", I said enthusiastically, holding up the pie for J-net to have a good look at it.

"You're not telling me you're going to finish it, are you?!" J-net said in disbelief.

"Why not? I can eat a cow now!"

"You're not having it with mashed potatoes and vegetables?"

"I am. But not mashed potatoes. I'd probably have it with broccoli and carrots."

"Trust me, you can't finish that if you're going to have it with vegetables. It's a pie and with that size, it'll fill you up sick!" J-net exclaimed as if a deafening warning that I should not explode myself in her dining room.

I paused to think what I should do if I really could not finish it. So I asked, "Would you like to share this with me?"

"Of course not, I'm on a diet today."

Oh great. Now what am I going to do with the leftover if I really can't finish it. As if she could read my mind, she continued, "But you can store it in the fridge if you can't finish it. It can last for a day I'm sure."

She then continued, "Half of that is enough to fill you up, trust me."

Then she left the kitchen for her X-Factor on TV. "Thank God Nosy Parker is gone." I said to myself silently.

It's me and my pie now. Then I put a quarter of the pie on the plate. It looked too little for me. So I had another quarter, so that's half of the pie on the plate now. "Ah! That looks better." The pie occupied one-half of the plate and I arranged the vegetables on the 2nd-half. Now that looks well-packed! That's more like it, a dinner of my kind.

I took the plate out and showed J-net. She felt proud I took her advice and didn't stuff the plate with the whole pie.

Twenty minutes later, I finished my plate of pie and vegetables. I went into the kitchen and helped myself to another quarter. I walked back into the dining room quietly and sat down. J-net was at the living room watching The X-Factor but sensed that I went into the kitchen. She then asked from across the living room, "You didn't finish that pie, did you?!"
"No, I didn't! I am a quarter short of finishing it!" I threaded my reply carefully.

Then came the bombshell from J-net...in a staccato outburst, "You-are-A-PIG!!!"