I don't come from a posh family but my parents did teach me a thing or two about manners. I suppose this upbringing has enabled me to interact easily without the risk of making anyone upset.
Yesterday my six-year old friend in the house asked for a Christmas present in front of her nanny. "A, can you please get me this play house for Christmas, please please please?" she asked pointing to a Christmas gift brochure and showing a sad puppy face.
Little friend, Ka-YaThis is in striking contrast to what my Malaysian friend would do. She is a mom of three and would happily encourage the daughters to ask me buy them presents - Christmas, birthdays, scoring straight As in exams, etc etc. Whatever reason sells.
When I was young, this would have been disapproved by my parents. My brother and I were taught to work hard for something we want. Begging wasn't part of the lesson. We were brought up never to look a gift horse in the mouth let alone begging for one. It is one thing to announce birthdays and achievements but another to use them to beg for presents. And dare I ask what difference does it make as compared to the professional beggars in pasar malam? Both are beggars in training.
Professional beggar in pasar malam(photo by sesku)
Never mind this was on top of what I bought earlier to the house. That was altogether thirty bloody quid already to subsidise for someone else's party to look good. To put into perspective I would have happily spent thrice the amount and buy a separate gift on top of the food run if perhaps the request had been put nicely. But since it was asked upon me, I resented it.
My defense is simple and pardon me for being calculative. Will you in return give me a Christmas present? Will you in return buy me the new IPhone if I scored straight As in my professional exam? Will you in return spend 30 quid for a birthday present for me?
I am certainly perplexed if it's just me and my upbringing or the people whom I encountered happen to be different from the norm? Don't some people consider that the person they are begging from may have an untold difficulty too? Or are people like me supposed to be all graceful when being taken advantage of and accept it as a bloody fool? What about you? What do you think?
4 comments:
Does this friendship sound like Familiarity breeds contempt? Or he's just taking your friendship for granted. I too would be totally flabbergasted with the way the request was put forward. Geraldine
i too had the same thoughts whenever i meet shameless ppl like that.. and always wondered if i'm not brave enough to "ask for presents"... glad you wrote about your experience, at least i know asian values are still being practiced!
I agree with you Alden. I've been brought up to practise generosity but when people take advantage of our generosity and kindness, it is upsetting. There are people who will keep receiving and not feel the need to give. I feel sorry for those people who don't realize that this is not how life should be.
Outright taking advantage.
I say 'cull cull cull'!
On a serious note (though I am half serious above since not much is known of this friend you subsidised), I do agree that its often the mannerism it is asked. I'm generally generous and more than happy to assist and on many occasions go out of the way if the request was made in a good way.
Post a Comment